Mothering with Endometriosis

This morning I was a terrible mother. Not to the two youngest, but to my oldest. That GIF is my oldest pushing all my buttons and rather than being calm and basically the adult. I snapped. And now I am sitting with this awful feeling in my stomach, hating myself.

In 2008 I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. Finally. After years of gut wrenching period pains, which doctors for an unreasonable long time told me was my lot in life, because, you know, “women problems”… It took my perseverance to get an gynaecologist to see me and then the surgeon (a boomer woman, no less) had the audacity to question the referral, because… You know, young woman…

How ever, it was a thing. But why is it relevant? Well, thanks to Healthline.com – here’s a quick explanation:

Endometriosis is considered an estrogen-dependent condition. The elevated estrogen levels that occur with endometriosis trigger inflammation and the growth of endometrium in the body. It contributes to endometriosis symptoms like:

• heavy, painful periods
• weight gain
• fatigue
• mood changes

Low estrogen levels have been associated with mood swings and can trigger premenstrual syndrome (PMS). In the few weeks after ovulation leading up to your period, estrogen levels drop. People living with endometriosis may feel heightened mood shifts at this time. (Thank you, Healthline.com)

Most women I know, compare themselves all the time. We are hard on ourselves and we generally want to be the best version of whatever it is we are. So when I snap, because I have these flipping mood swings, I go into full self-loathing. I hate that I can’t control it and I hate that I have read so many peaceful parent tips etc. so I feel guiltier than ever. Because no coaching can change my hormones!

What I do do, is educate my children. But particularly my sons. I educate them in women’s health. In my health. I talk about periods, hormones, PMS and everything that follows. And then I do the most important thing any parent should do. I apologies. Profusely. I explain, that it is me and not him. That I am the adult (he has a tendency to take blame) and I am the one who needs to get better. I explain that in 3 days I am due my period and it is hard for me. That it is not an excuse to get so frustrated and angry, but it is an explanation. I do that, so he understands fully, that he is not the problem, he never was and never will be. It is me. Now I have a wonderful child, who listens to that and tells me it’s okay and it’s in the past. But I am still sitting here at 10.38 am with this gnawing feeling of guilt.

Coping with mood swings and emotional changes caused by endometriosis can be challenging, but there are strategies you can use to navigate through these difficulties and I need to get better at coping with mood swings and manage guilt, so I have found some resources for more information and support:

Coping with Mood Swings and Emotional Changes:

1. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Regular practice of mindfulness, deep breathing, and relaxation exercises can help you manage mood swings and emotional fluctuations. Mindfulness meditation and progressive muscle relaxation are effective tools to promote emotional well-being.
   I do a lot of deep breathing (I think a lot of mums do…) and I am trying to get into mindfulness, but it’s a struggle for me as I very quickly get bored… Cue the next tip:
2. Regular Exercise: Engaging in physical activity releases endorphins, which can improve mood and reduce stress. Incorporate regular exercise into your routine, even if it’s a short walk or gentle yoga session.
   I am starting to run – it was always something I found boring, but I fire up my dance playlist and it becomes a mixture of running and dancing – when I can find time to myself at home, I do Gygalates (which is my friend’s program of Gymnastic, Yoga and Pilates)
3. Dietary Modifications: Certain foods can exacerbate mood swings. Focus on a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Reducing caffeine, sugar, and processed foods may help stabilise mood.
4. Journaling: Keeping a journal can help you track your emotions and identify patterns related to your menstrual cycle. This self-awareness can assist you in anticipating mood changes and managing them proactively.
   This is something new I found and I think this could be really useful for me, although I will probably forget it some days – but as I have a “working from home” day – I might just go get a calendar and jot down the some emotions I experience when I get into these stages… I suppose writing this and doing the research was a good help as well..
5. Support Network: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Connecting with others who understand your experiences can provide a sense of validation and relief.

Managing Guilt and Self-Loathing:

1. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend. Remember that everyone has moments of emotional difficulty, and you’re taking steps to address them.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When feelings of guilt or self-loathing arise, challenge negative thoughts with evidence of your efforts to cope and improve. Recognize that hormonal fluctuations are beyond your control.
3. Seek Professional Help: If feelings of guilt and self-loathing become overwhelming, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. Therapy can provide you with tools to manage these emotions effectively.
4. Apologize and Forgive Yourself: Just as you educate your children about accountability, model self-forgiveness. Apologize to your child and acknowledge your emotions, while emphasizing that you’re actively working on managing them.

Resources for Endometriosis Information and Support:

1. Endometriosis Foundation of America: Offers educational resources, support groups, and information on managing endometriosis.
2. The Endometriosis Network Canada: Provides information, resources, and support for individuals dealing with endometriosis.
3. IAPMD – International Association for Premenstrual Disorders: Offers resources, community forums, and information about premenstrual mood changes and disorders.
4. Mindfulness Meditation – Headspace: A mindfulness meditation app that can help you develop skills to manage mood swings and emotional challenges.
5. Online Support Groups – DailyStrength: Connect with others who share similar experiences through online support groups.

Remember that managing endometriosis-related mood swings and emotions is a journey. Be patient with yourself and recognise that seeking help and support is a sign of strength.

Something about HUGE changes

I am currently sitting in a café in my hometown in Denmark. Husband is in London, working. Both boys have started school in Denmark, the chick has started nursery (finally, she is very much a product of lockdown and very very keen on mama). So how the fuck, did we end up in this situation? Well, when it came to crunch time decision making, we were at a loss. We went back and forth and decided that Denmark would be a good call for the children. Finally giving them that Danish injection we felt they needed. My mum were up for a massive open heart surgery and I missed my friends and family. So I started looking for jobs, but alas it turned out a lot harder than I thought it would be. Like a lot, a lot. Now having a husband who worries, the not-knowing about income and jobs made him a little, to say the least, worried. He started looking. And then the international school the boys were joining fell through. I was devastated. And no job were coming my way. Husband got an amazing job. In London. I said that was great. I meant it. But I felt sad. For what could have been. So we started planning UK. Again. Then Husband suggested I asked my mum if she could see us living with her for 5 months (a term) and started looking into other school prospect – we were both hesitant throwing them straight into a Danish system, however, found a great school that could support the boys the way we needed it, so suddenly I was moving to Denmark with the kids, whilst Husband was going to be in London 5 days a week and Denmark at weekends.

And so it is, just like you said it would be… Like Damien Rice sings at the beginning of The Blower’s Daughter and so it is indeed. We left Malaysia, our home for 6 years, in the midst of a pandemic and it’s been fucking hard. Lockdown in KL has been interesting to say the least. Two adults(ish) working fulltime with three kids in a flat, not allowed to visit people or go out has been a… shall we say… different experience. Everywhere people have gone through their different versions and experiences and this is ours. Still decompressing. In a situation not a lot of people would put themselves in voluntarily.

However, before the pandemic hit, we had already decided that this was going to be our last year in Malaysia, our last year being part of an amazing school community and work environment. Our last year in a multicultural and diverse community that both excited me more than it frustrated me (which it definitely could at times). So why leave, I hear you ask? If it was so amazing. Because it was two flights away from our families. Because we love adventures and we were ready for the next one. Because when the pandemic hit, Knolly, the third bow to my string, was only 4 months and she ended up not meeting any family until she was just under two years old. The latter became more of an acknowledgement of our decision being the right decision, rather than the reason.

So here I am. In my hometown. In a cafê with a milky latte and less diversity, but stunning nature. Husband commuting from London and supply teaching on the horizon. It’s been 4 months so far of fulltime solo parenting during the week, looking after my mum, 10 chicken, 4 budgies and attention seeking dog. It has not been easy. I have struggled and will definitely go into that in another post. For now – first post in a while. Standard. But the unexpected housewife is back.

The wave of Mumpreneurs (and how I am feeling inadequate not riding it…)

One of my best friends lives in Rwanda and works for an all female university. How awesome is that? I particularly envied her when I was sitting at home with the Block, feeling like I had accomplished nothing, but give birth, a big deal, granted, but not really changing the lives of thousands of women! I always thought, well she doesn’t have children yet… She’s had time to do this, my time will come.

This morning I was looking through my Humans of New York book and there was a guy who said: “I’ve been feeling a bit unaccomplished lately. I recently met a kid in his twenties who figured out a way to power lights in rural India by generating electricity from human shit!” And was I like: “Mate, I get you!” That is how I feel… I don’t know why I’ve always had this dream/idea that I would accomplish something bigger than me or do something, which felt bigger than me. No idea what it would be, scrap that, I have had MANY ideas, but not the time or power to do it and especially not now that I am working full time.

As I look through my Instagram, I see all of these spectacular mums. They are literally nailing it. Some old school friends of mine started their own business in Denmark focusing on beautiful table settings, I remember thinking: “That is so awesome, they have taken their skills and utilised them in the most effective way!” A friend from London started designing changing bags, which took off in such an impressive way. Another friend of mine has just started her own coffee grinding business. Not only are they all female businesses, they are all mums. I guess, the thing is that they have all found their niche and calling (something I haven’t found – although I do bloody love coffee) – something they are great at and what has amazed me is the community surrounding this, how all these amazing ‘mumpreneurs’ support each other, but also how quickly they business became “well-known” using Instagram (because of, of course, their super hard work.)

My Instagram feed is now full of these fantastic women, from mum bloggers to mum designers to journalists fighting for flexible working hours for parents. All strong, all accomplished. And then there’s me. Probably feeling a little bit envious of their drive and commitment. With my feeling of being unaccomplished, working full time from 7.40am to 4pm, feeling tired and not always the mum I strive to be. With ideas and dreams that are probably already been done and a feeling of wanting to be part of something bigger. This post is not meant to sound as depressing as I have just described myself… I suppose, I wonder if other mums ever feel this way?

The transformation of a sweet little boy

(Dedicated to a fellow mum stuck in Cornwall – “I hear ya, girlfriend!”)

Once upon a time there was a beautiful little boy. He lived with his mum and dad and even though he at times would question their methods, he seemed to trust everything they did, though not always behaving, he was a sweet little boy. Around the boy’s third birthday, a change started happening. He had noticed how his mother had gotten increasingly fat over the last nine months and he couldn’t seem but notice that her sudden obesity had reached climax. She now looked like she was about to pop. Which she did 6 days after his birthday and although he had been explained, he couldn’t quite believe that a baby brother had arrived. He loved his baby brother, he kissed him and hugged him, but he wasn’t allowed to play with him or lift him, nothing fun. He felt cross with his mother. All she did was sit in the sofa with a boob in his brother’s mouth, when they went out, the brother had to come too. His father had been at home with him the last two weeks, but suddenly went back to work and didn’t come back till bedtime. All of their fun times together stopped. The little boy started transforming. Like Bruce Banner. There was a rage inside of him, which he couldn’t explain. He turned green. He had gotten Hulkamania. All of a sudden he would lose it and scream and yell at his mother if he didn’t get what he wanted. When he wouldn’t, he would desperately call his father for help. Even though his father was nowhere near. His mother tried to keep calm. But it was hard. Oh so hard. Her beautiful little boy would act in ways she had never experienced before and even though she understood him and his reactions, it didn’t make it easier. Sometimes when the Hulkamania was on its worse, she simply wouldn’t know what to do. Everything she seemed to do was wrong. The boy wanted things his way or no way. The mother was tired, every man in her house wanted something from her. Night and day. So the Hulkamania in her son was not always easy to handle. Friends around her kept telling her it was normal and it would pass, but at this moment it was hard to see how and when…

To be continued….



I just poked the Block in the eye….

….. Not on purpose of course!

Husband and I have just had the most amazing time in Marrakech. Got back Sunday night, stayed at the parents-in-laws and left in the morning at 5 to drive back to Somerset. To say I was tired would be an understatement. To say I was looking forward to spending the day with my energetic two year old who no longer naps, would not me entirely true. Don’t get me wrong, I had missed him – but I was so tired in mind and body that I could hardly think.
It is quite amazing to be able to go away with complete peace at mind. I reckon Husband and I enjoyed our time away even more, knowing that the Block is completely safe, if not safer. His grandmother doesn’t play fight with him and accidentally poke him in his little green eye.
He has been exceptionally clingy compared to normal, which probably was caused by our absence a whole weekend combined with the pregnancy.
Wow. Time – nursery! Will finish post later!

On a more positive note

I just had one of my best friends from Denmark staying for a week. I lived with her while I was pregnant and the first 5 months of the Blocks life. She is special! So it was really great to show her my day-to-day life in Frome as a housewife, stay-at-home-mum, child minder and student!
A standard week for me is as following:
Monday:
– Get up with Block at 6.30 – get dressed etc (today I showered before Husband left)
– Eat breakfast (porridge for the Block!)
– Walk the Block to Gudrun’s for about 9 (we play with duplo a bit before we leave)
– Home to clean, Hoover and then intense studying (read, read, write & read)
– Lunch while ordering and planning food for the week as well as all the other things we need
– Start preparing dinner
– pick up Block
…. And so the evening proceeds …

Tuesday & Wednrsday is double baby-day. Tove arrives at 8.30 – we either go to the woods or play groups until lunch, then lunch for two. Coordinated sleep while I tidy and clean and as I sit down with my coffee, one of them will most likely wake up. We play, draw, go to the park.
– Start preparing dinner.
– Tove is picked up at 5-5.30

… The evening proceeds …

It’s almost too boring to go through yet alone read. The fact is if it’s household related that’s what I do + studying. All meals are obviously made from scratch, I bake shit and stuff. BUT My house is never immaculate, I surface clean and I will always be the mum with the kids with food in their faces and little dreadlocks of morning hair in the back, impossible to comb.

It all became even nicer with Sif around. It’s been the Christmas extravaganza in Frome while she’s been here – a lot has been happening in Frome – it’s been like the Christmas central if the world!
So we “Christmased”!

Good morning fight – am I too Danish?

The block is one bundle of naughtiness today, unfortunately so is Husband. He just read my blog for the first time, asking why I hadn’t showed him. Rather than being positive, he couldn’t understand why I had broadcasted that I let the Block sit watching Postman Pat while I get ready. “You can’t leave children unattended!!” The thing is I don’t leave him for 15 minutes straight and I know the Block to sit still and watch an episode – he doesn’t do anything else as he is mesmerised. I jump in shower, run out and check on him, I put clothes on, run out and check on him and I put make-up on (rouge for my white face and concealer under my dark eyes!), check on him and that’s it! Is that really that bad parenting? I can hear him, I know he sits still (he’s never done anything but) and around 5 minutes at the time….
Husband and I did not leave on good terms because of it. I got very defensive and upset, which husband did not seem to understand. He had asked his mum last time we discussed this to hear whether he was unreasonable. Great! Who doesn’t want mother-in-law involved thinking that it is bad parenting.
I am not saying it is ideal to do it like that, but The alternative is taking him into our bathroom with stone floor and a monkey personality who tends to crawl up on the toilet, bathtub etc. what Husband doesn’t know is that since we had the discussion last, I haven’t done it – just haven’t showered. It sucks. Not showering.
Am I overly Danish here?
Danes also leave their kids in the prams outside shops in Denmark! (I wouldn’t do it here in the UK….)
And our children sleeps in their prams for naps no matter the weather! Too Danish?

Btw Happy 2nd of December!